Eternal Recurrence
by x-Athenea-x
Summary: Chinese food make Ben and Michael grow closer together in a very weird way.


Eternal Recurrence

The apartment was silent, except of the cheerful laughter and conversation that was coming from the television. Ben closed the door behind him as he entered, immediately smiling at the warmth, noises and smells that were so typical of this flat. Over time he had associated those things with one concept: home. With all the stuff he'd been through the last years, he'd find this little thing called love with a sweet, kind, slightly neurotic and sometimes overly dramatic guy he met in a random comic book store. Mikey was his home, his place on this earth where worrying was irrelevant. He could just be himself. Once the door closes, he could leave reality behind him and forget the roughness of the outside world. This place was soft, warm and pleasant – like a blanket covering him on a cold winter's day.

He took off his coat and scarf and shook off the rain from his hair. He was glad to be home after a long day of lectures and all he wanted to do was curl up on the couch with Mikey. Well, to be fair, with some Chinese food and Mikey. After teaching 8 classes, he was not only dog tired, but also ravenous.

He turned around and the first thing he saw was Michael sitting on the couch, his legs in lotus position, eyes transfixed by the tv and … eating cornflakes out of a bowl. He heard the obnoxious laughter track alternated by sloppy munching, a single small thing that made Ben think of all the other adorable habits his partner had. Quietly he walked up the couch, sat down and with a gently hand, he caressed Michael's cheek. "Hey there" he whispered lovingly.

"Hi" Michael blurted out, bits of cornflake falling from his mouth as he spoke. "Oops" he added and wiped away the soggy crumbs. "That's kind of gross."

"Yeah," Ben replied, but in a laughing tone. If there was one thing that he loved about Michael, it was the boyishness that still lived inside of him. He could easily picture Michael as a kid sitting in the exact same position watching the exact same show and eating the exact same thing. Some people have called him childish because of some of hobbies or mannerisms. But he loved that side of him. It enabled Michael to be purely naïve about life, to see things without the corruption of adulthood, of betrayal and hurt. Michael forced Ben to look at things in a fresh bright light. He needed that. With all the things he'd seen and experienced, he had become centered and wise, but also grim and pessimistic. Michael's boyish charm helped him be more positive, to have more fun and to see the light in the darkness. He looked at Michael's face, still munching on those cornflakes, and revelled in the thought that Michael was his. "What are you eating?" he asked.

"Coco Puffs" Michael said. He was still captivated by the TV and didn't see the gentle and tender look Ben was giving him.

"Coco Puffs?" Ben asked, in a mocking tone.

"What?" Michael asked in a high pitched voice. "What's wrong with coco puffs?

"Nothing!" Ben said, laughing. "Nothing wrong with it. They're very tasty." He paused. "In the morning."

"Meaning?"

Ben laughed. "Meaning that you're a grown ass man and you're having cornflakes as dinner."

Michael shrugged, as if to say 'what's wrong with that?' He took another spoonful, ate it and licked his lips. "I guess I'm just cuckoo for coco puffs"

Ben just smiled, leant forward and kissed him. "I love you" he whispered. He could clearly see the light shine brightly in Michael's eyes as a response to those three words. "Even if your breath smells like milk" he teased.

"You know," Michael started, "I hear you criticizing, but not coming up with a solution. So either cook me something nice, or shut up." In a softer tone he added: 'I love you too'

"I have a better idea" Ben replied. "I'm going to order some Chinese"

"As long as you don't make fun of me when I smell of kung pao chicken"

Two hours, one movie, and three helpings of Chinese food later, they both lay satiated on the couch. Michael's head rested on Ben shoulder and their arms wrapped around each other. Ben stretched one arm out to the coffee table and – with some effort- managed to snatch the small plastic tray with fortune cookies on it. He grabbed one, opened it and read the saying:

"Cherish love for it is eternal like a river"

Michael huffed. "I bet there's a factory in China with people getting high and coming up with that stuff."

"Probably" Ben said. "However …"

"Oh no …" Michael said. "You're going to start thinking again, aren't you? It's Friday night. Not an appropriate time to think"

"I just wonder," Ben continued, as if he was never interrupted by Michael.

"Here we go." Michael simply stated. Even if he was feeling lazy tonight, he really did love the "zen" side of Ben. He loved listening to his wise words, his philosophies and knowledge. He never had the attention span to actually finish college, and he'd always assumed that he wasn't smart enough to be intellectual. But being with Ben had opened his mind, and his eyes. He realised that even if he'd never went to college, it didn't mean that he wasn't smart. Talking with Ben was always stimulating. Ben made him think about stuff he never had thought about before. He'd taught him a lot, not only about general knowledge and the things he was teaching, but he'd given him the chance to explore his own thoughts and opinions.

"Is love really eternal? Like a river? Is a river even eternal? Eventually, won't it just dry up?" Ben asked, pondering the sentence.

"Love isn't eternal." Michael said. "That's just stuff in the movies. Like Cinderella and shit."

"Do you not believe love can stay with you, even after you've died, Mikey? That somehow love can conquer anything, even death? I thought you would, seeing as how much you love those romantic comedies"

"I'd like to believe in it" Michael said, carefully choosing his words. "But I'm not sure I believe that something happens after you die. I think that … when you're dead, you're dead. That's it." He paused to regroup his thoughts. "So if there's nothing there, then how can love live after you aren't?"

"That's a good point," Ben said. "I suppose it all depends on how you define eternity. Some say it's endless time … but there's this German philosopher named Nietzsche who believed in something called eternal recurrence. Basically it means that you accepts life the way it is, with the good and the bad, and find a sense of happiness throughout your life so that you could relive your life in full detail for eternity. Love is a part of life, so perhaps love being eternal means accepting the good and the bad and finding a sense of contentment in the relationship."

Michael smiled, openly and broadly. "I guess we're eternal" he said, with a sincere tone. "I don't know how you do it … but that's what you did with me. You saw the shitty side of me … but you're still with me. You put up with it, and you don't even moan about it."

"It's not that hard, you know." Ben whispered. "I see you as a whole, with the good and the bad, and you're beautiful to me. Like this. Just as you are." He caressed the small hairs at the back of Michael neck, as he often did in intimate moments.

"You're insane." Michael said in a disbelieving tone, swatting away compliments. Sensing the conversation was getting too deep and too close for comfort, he got up and started cleaning up the mess they left behind after pigging out on Chinese food. Ben, however, was not ready to let this go. He knew Michael and he knew that often he did not think highly of himself. Low self esteem had plagued him since childhood and he could not understand who had made him believe all those things about himself and why. He understood the way his mind worked and understood what he needed. He pulled Michael back and held him in a strong embrace. "I mean it, you may not see it yet, but I love you like this."

"Me too," Michael whispered, finally giving into sincerity. "I mean about you. I wouldn't change you. Although it's not as difficult to love you as you're such a sweet guy." Ben opened his mouth to disagree but stopped when Michael continued. "I don't agree with that nitchy guy though. I think that … if you love someone and accept their shitty side and good side … then perhaps the time you spend together is enough to be eternal. Since our lives end, we can never experience eternity. But if you don't stop loving a person until you die, then the time experienced in that love can be thought of as eternal."

"Interesting thought" Ben murmured. "But using restrictions to pin down something that cannot be restricted … wouldn't it go against the very nature of eternity?"

"Maybe." Michael said, his nose scrunched up as he frowned. "I don't know. I don't know anything. This topic is WAY too difficult to discuss after having a shitload of Chinese food."

Ben laughed. "That's true. Open up yours, maybe it'll give us something else to talk about."

"Good idea," Michael said. He hastily opened the little package, crushed the cookie and read 'You are cleverly disguised as responsible adult.'

Ben roared with laughter whilst Michael just stared blankly at the tiny piece of paper. "Fuck you, high Chinese people in a factory, fuck you!"


End file.
